Almost Human: Yeah, I might watch this show

Perhaps it's not one of my best qualities, but when I look at the upcoming slates for the new TV fall seasons, I end up checking off the shows I think will be canceled first

However, I think FOX's Almost Human might have a shot. J.J. Abrams' name being on it seems promising. I dig Karl Urban. He's Bones McCoy and Judge Dredd! And the whole concept seems like a different take on the buddy cop dynamic with a sci-fi twist that we've seen in stuff like Robocop and Alien Nation. 

I think I might watch this show. Would you watch this show?

(via ... the deadline)

Cheer me up, Derek Jeter's Taco Hole

I lost approximately 45 minutes of my life this afternoon that I would like back.

I was originally set to talk with Zachary James on KSTM-FM in Iowa for a weekly baseball segment, but we made the decision to delay the call so we could watch a press conference that the New York Yankees called involving Derek Jeter.

Jeter, if you didn't know, hasn't played yet this season as he's recovering from a broken leg that he suffered in the playoffs last year versus the Detroit Tigers. During his rehabilitation, Jeter apparently broke the same bone and that's obviously set back his return. 

But nothing particularly informative was revealed during the presser. We already knew Jeter's leg hadn't healed and that he might not play until after the All-Star break in mid-July. 

However, since the Yankees were going to the trouble of calling a press conference, speculation exploded on Twitter that maybe this was something more serious. Hey, what if Jeter was announcing his retirement? 

Except if that was the case, MLB Network would have broken its regular programming to show the presser. ESPN almost certainly would've found time between its NFL Draft coverage to cover the event. Since you had to really dig through your cable listings to find the press conference or go online to watch it, it was safe to assume that nothing momentous was being announced. 

Sure enough, Jeter just went out there to tell reporters and fans what they already knew. There was nothing else to add because Jeter didn't know when he would be back and made it pretty clear that he had no interest in sharing further thoughts on the matter with the media. 

That was really the only enjoyment of the press conference: Watching Jeter be bitchily coy with the press. "Well, I have an idea, but I'm not going to tell you." 

Had this been anyone but Jeter and any other team besides the Yankees, a press release would've been issued. But maybe the Yanks wanted to let everyone know that Jeter was actually alive and still looks great in a Yankees uniform, even if he has to walk in a boot right now. 

It was a total waste of time. I could've spent those 30 to 45 minutes playing with my sweet Little Niece. She's sick with a runny nose and fever and surely could've used some quality time with Uncle Ian. Instead, I watched Jeter snip at reporters on my laptop. 

The only thing that will make me feel better about this is to watch the "Derek Jeter Taco Hole" skit from Saturday Night Live in which he points at the camera every 40 seconds. I hope you really are cooking award-winning Mexican food these days, sir. 

Look at the star power in that skit, by the way. Will Ferrell, Maya Rudolph and Jimmy Fallon! Oh yeah — and Jeter.

"Chips, salsa and guaca-MOLE — Derek Jeter's Taco Hole!"

My horrifying Hannibal Lecter story

With Hannibal premiering on NBC tonight, I thought it was a good time to share a story I don't believe I've ever told on this blog before. 

Years ago, when I worked at a bookstore, I was asked for help by one of my co-workers at the information desk. A customer had a question she couldn't answer.

This co-worker was a nice, sweet woman. She worked hard. But she was, how do you say, not bright. She also didn't know a damn thing about books, other than the romance novels she read. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But she was probably a representation of what happens when bookstores become big bookstore chains. It's just a retail job.

A deep knowledge of literature (or history, religion, cooking, etc.) wasn't really necessary, as it was in the days when prospective employees had to pass a book test to be hired at Borders. Just be friendly, look up a book in the computer, take the customer to the section, put the book in his or her hand and that's the job. No deep knowledge of Proust necessary.

However, a cursory understanding of the difference between fiction and reality certainly helps. 

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As I walked by the front information desk, probably on my way to goof off in the break room, this co-worker asked me to come over and help her with a customer. 

"Sure — what's up," I said.

"This woman is looking for books on Hannibal Lecter," my co-worker said.

"OK, no problem. Is there a particular book she's looking for? Silence of the Lambs? Red Dragon? That Hannibal movie just came out. Is that the one she wants?"

"No, she wants a biography on Hannibal Lecter."

At that point, I figured it was the customer who wanted a nonfiction book on a fictional character. Oh, if only that had been the case. 

"Biography? Hannibal Lecter is a fictional character. Is she serious?"

"No, I know there is one. I just can't remember the name of it and I can't find it in the system." 

I'm not sure how long I paused and stared at her. I don't remember if my jaw hung open. I have no recollection of the room beginning to sway back and forth, my vision blurring and sound being muted out with my co-worker continuing to talk to me. But there was a definite moment of silence as I tried to comprehend if I was really being asked what I was just asked. 

"[Name redacted], there's no biography or case study of Hannibal Lecter. He doesn't really exist. The books he's in are novels." 

"I know there's one, OK? I saw it. I just can't remember the name of it and I can't find it in the system." 

"All right, I'll take care of it. She's up front?"

So I walked over to the information desk at the front of the store and saw the customer waiting. Thankfully, my co-worker did not follow me. I don't remember if she was supposed to be covering the desk at the time or went to shelve books or was on a mystery quest for true crime books on Hannibal Lecter. But at least I could avoid completely embarrassing her.

However, would I end up having to embarrass the customer? This would not be the first time I had to tell a customer that a fictional character didn't exist.

I once had a heartbreaking encounter with a very nice man with whom I had a nice conversation about jazz until he wanted to find CDs by Emmit Ray. Emmit Ray was Sean Penn's character in Woody Allen's film, Sweet and Lowdown.

This gentleman was so convinced Ray was real. I just couldn't break it to him. I know I should have. But he was so nice and genuine. I ended up telling him we didn't have anything, other than the soundtrack to the movie. Hopefully, someone eventually let the guy down gently. Either that or he's still searching, wandering the land (and record stores that no longer exist) like Kwai Chang Caine from Kung Fu.

(If I ever do meet Woody Allen, you can damn well bet I'll tell him that story. If anything, it's a compliment to how effective his movie was.) 

"Hi there," I said to the customer. "You're looking for Hannibal Lecter books?"

"Yes," she said. "I want to see the books he's in." 

So I took her over to "Mysteries and Thrillers" where Thomas Harris' novels were shelved, took all three of the Hannibal Lecter novels off the shelf and handed them to her. I then waited for the awkward moment in which she said something like, "No, I know about these. I'm looking for a biography." 

But she took the books and said "OK, great — I'm gonna sit down and take a look through these. Thank you."

That was it. We were done. The customer was not looking for nonfiction books on a fictional character. 

The scary part — perhaps scary than anything Hannibal Lecter did in print or on screen — is that I believe my co-worker eventually went on to work at the corporate offices of the bookstore chain we worked for.

Perhaps that provides at least some explanation as to why this particular chain is no longer in business. 

Waiting for 'Hannibal'

I’ve been eagerly anticipating NBC’s Hannibal show ever since it was announced. This teaser trailer does nothing to quell those feelings. It looks good — really good.  

I just wonder how long the show can — or intends to — draw out the relationship between Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter before eventually revealing the inevitable. 

I also wonder how fans will take Mads Mikkelsen as Lecter, since he doesn't convey a younger Anthony Hopkins — especially with his accent. 

Get here soon, April 4. 

(via Badass Digest)

The Electric Company: Morgan Freeman's springboard to stardom

While watching the Golden Globes with my dear friend A. Sunday night and enjoying the tribute to Morgan Freeman, we joked that it would be hilarious if during the montage of highlights from his film career, a clip from his days on The Electric Company was also included. 

There's Freeman in Glory! He's Drivin' Miss Daisy! He's educating Brad Pitt on the seven deadly sins in Seven! Suiting up Bruce Wayne with new bat-gear in The Dark Knight! Look how he became Nelson Mandela in Invictus! Shawshank!

What if Freeman as Count Dracula from a PBS show many of us enjoyed when we were kids was included? And then, there it was...

That "Electric Company" clip caused quite the surge on Twitter. (Okay, maybe a few too many people mentioned it.)

It was an awesome moment (probably the best of the night), puncturing the pomposity of the moment and reminding us all that these award shows often take themselves just a bit too seriously. And if that joke couldn't be made on the Golden Globes, where else could it be done?

However, it was also a reminder of the climb that most actors have to make toward success. Freeman obviously established himself long ago. But even he had to start somewhere. (And for many people, that early role is affectionately remembered from childhood.)

Like I'm sure Freeman wouldn't have gotten a role in Christopher Nolan's Batman movies if he didn't already have the experience of working with Spider-Man on his resume.

Say Hi to Your Mother For Me, Okay?

This is for Rob, who may have missed this on Saturday night. It's been kind of a running joke over the past year.

I'm pretty sure this is why I can never see The Lovely Bones. (Nor The Happening, which is making the rounds on HBO.) The whole time, I'd be thinking of Andy Samberg's version of Mark Wahlberg.

Rob, say hi to your mother for me, okay?

Maybe Mark Wahlberg can be on "What Up With That?" eventually (and try - but fail - to keep up with Jason Sudeikis's sweet dance moves.)

"Will You Kiss Me? I Like to Be Kissed When... "

After the debacle that was January Jones hosting Saturday Night Live (quite possibly the least funny episode ever), I was almost ready to give up on it for the season. Fortunately, I decided to give this past weekend's show a chance before calling it a night. The cold open - particularly Jenny Slade's shrill delivery - gave me reason enough to stick it out.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt's fabulously energetic opening monologue is also well worth your time, if you missed it. But "Will you kiss me? I like to be kissed when someone is doing sex to me!" made the night. Painfully funny, because it's so true.

It's too bad Fred Armisen has completely given up on trying to hone his imitation of Barack Obama, however.

Can the New 'V' Be as Cool as the Old 'V'?

If you've been watching anything on ABC over the past few weeks (and here, I think that means college football and Modern Family), you've almost surely seen commercials for the remake of V, which premieres tomorrow night.

I don't know if this new version is going to be any good, judging from the ads and "first look" that's been posted online.  But seeing that red, spray-painted "V" is sure bringing back a lot of memories. 

Anything sci-fi on TV appealed to me as a kid.  And "V" had everything on the checklist: laser guns, spaceships, and aliens.  Between this and The Beastmaster (hilariously brought back to life last week by Chevy Chase on Community), Marc Singer seemed like one of the coolest guys alive.  Jane Badler, hot villainess (though I wonder if more people thought Faye Grant was hotter since she was a "good guy").

I always loved the scenes in which when one of the Visitors got their human face peeled off and you could see the lizard underneath.  In art class, my friend Chris put some Elmer's Glue on his cheek, let it dry, and peeled it off like it was his skin.  Ah... elementary school.  Those were the days.

So this remake has plenty to live up to.  For instance, will they have any scene (or special effect) as awesome (in a bad way) as this?

I swear, that seemed much more real when I was 10 years old. 

Oh, and how about this for a memorably creepy scene?  I remember my dad being kind of skeeved out by the very last part.  (Again, this probably seemed much scarier or icky 25 years ago.)

Casting Morena Baccarin from Firefly in this new series helps with the geek cred.  (Is Nathan Fillion kind of the 2009 version of Marc Singer?)  But will the show be as memorable?  (Probably not.  There's just too much else on TV and in pop culture nowadays.) 

Sometimes, remakes like this make the mistake of sticking too close to the original.  Other times, they veer too far from the source material.  And once in a while, they get it just right - nodding to the past, while creating something new - like J.J. Abrams did with Star Trek this summer.  Just give us some lizards and lasers, man!